Recipe of the Week

Pea and Rissole Surprise

by Mrs. Nobs

Economical and nourishing

If you - like me - have a large, hungry family to feed, then you will be on the lookout for economical yet nourishing meals. This week I am delighted to offer just such a recipe. Furthermore, using a little-known technique which I shall describe later, you can transform the appearance of the meal so that it can be used day after day, completely undetectably.

First you will need to prepare some rissoles. Packets of rissole mix are available from your local greengrocer, but in my opinion it is hard to beat a genuine home-made one. I would therefore recommend using a food-mixing machine. (These handy contraptions are becoming more common these days, and a good one may be obtained for less than £5,000 on the second-hand market.) To make a rissole, you will need

three pounds of ground soya flour
one artichoke (Jerusalem)
half a large Spanish onion
the other half of a large Spanish onion (preferably, but not necessarily the same as the first one)
a ripe pork sausage
half tsp. oil (vegetable, cod-liver, Jojoba, or Multigrade 20-50 will do)

To make the rissoles, finely chop all the ingredients (apart from the oil, which is difficult to chop), grasp with palms, and roll into balls. Place balls on the table and flatten with a rolling pin. If you do not have a rolling pin, the same effect may be had by carefully sitting on them, wearing a pair of PVC or leather trousers to avoid sticking. Alternatively, in recent times a new product known as cling-film has appeared on the market, and if available, this material can be applied to the buttocks prior to the flattening process.

Balls may also of course be flattened with a mallet. This is a matter of personal preference.

Finally, fry the rissoles in the oil until they are just done. An infallible test is known as the "burn" test. If, after a certain period of time the rissoles start to burn, it will be apparent (by optical and nostrilar inspection) that they have been overdone. If these symptoms are evident, it is recommended that the rissoles should be cooked for a shorter time. In this way the precise cooking time may be ascertained.

As a general rule, never overcook rissoles, but avoid undercooking them at all costs.

For the accompaniment, with reference to fig. 1, I would recommend a generous portion of freshly picked and shelled garden peas, mashed hand-picked King Edward potatoes, a succulent hand-picked tomato diced in two, and a garnish of lettuce leaves.

For those on a tight budget, more cost-effective substitutes are as follows:

Scrumple up some pieces of an old newspaper. Soak in pea soup overnight. When dry you will note the striking resemblance to fresh lettuce leaves. Any slight taste of peas can be masked with a liberal application of tomato ketchup.
Instead of freshly picked peas, use a can of freshly picked baked beans. Place these under the "lettuce leaves" so that the colour will not be noticed (or serve in subdued light).
Place an upturned teacup on the plate before covering with the mashed potato. In this way, a little mash can go a long way. If a short length of string is attached to the cup, it can be whisked away during the meal before it is noticed.
Cut the tomato into three pieces instead of two. This technique is much favoured on the Continent.
Skip the rissoles. No-one likes them anyway.

Serving suggestion

A Surprise Variant

To introduce a little variety, why not obtain a few aerosols of motor car touch-up paint? These days, this type of paint is lead-free and any slight flavour can be masked with a liberal dose of tomato sauce.

Experiment with colour schemes. With some imagination, the same meal can be served for weeks on end without anyone realising!

Next week I will describe how to make a ham sandwich from a few pieces of cheese.